Why does it feel so difficult to talk?
Why does it feel so difficult to talk?
What are the commonest ways of dealing with pain or difficult feelings?
We might deny or repress our pain. We might hold it tight in our bodies, hunching our shoulders, or clutching our stomachs.
Or we might withdraw completely, and become silent and dissociated from our pain.
This list is not exhaustive, and sometimes a combination of these ‘coping strategies’ takes place.
Depression, self-harm, anger issues, addiction or otherwise destructive behaviours can all be indications of pain, a result of unresolved emotions or trauma. However, even if we ‘know’ the reasons behind our behaviour, it can be incredibly hard to learn new ways of being.
Why is it so hard to talk about feelings?
Our ego, or sense of identity can become constructed on the belief that we must stay ‘strong’ and ‘in control’. The thought of expressing ‘weakness’ can be experienced as destabilising and quite frightening. This in turn leads to increasing ‘armouring’ of the frightened ego.
We are trying to stay safe.
Perhaps our upbringing taught us that emotions should not be discussed.
Or perhaps emotions were so chaotically expressed by our family members, that we retreated into ourselves, to a place of safety.
Why is it useful to talk about feelings?
In doing so, there is less weight bearing down upon the structure of the whole house. Things can feel lighter, easier and more spacious. This space allows for new things to develop, relationships, attitudes and ways-of-being.